The Brazil Football Team Wasted Baptism

Dear tradition, we thank you for the gift of cornflour.

As our Brazil football national team heads toward another failed FIFA World Cup,

Help us to glorify this floury tradition as a promise we have kept until this day.

Teach us to watch more of our women’s national team, which wins more than the men,

In the same way we did with Pelé, the real Ronaldo, and Romário,

Through our blind support. Amen.

We reject climate change, with all its environmental problems and apocalyptic views.

We believe in football as our god, the ball almighty, the Samba of our eyes.

We believe in Neymar, his theatrical show, and our savior in every match,

Who was born of the same forgotten favela, and is seated as the very image of this wasted water salute,

That lifted once again this airplane in the middle of a global water shortage.

We believe in the holy cup, the holy FIFA World Cup 2026,

The communion of violent hooligans, the forgiveness of irrationality,

The resurrection of fanaticism and a month of pure joy while everything else burns. Amen.

Football, bless me with ignorance and radicalism as we guide our team with wasted cornflour.

Help us to be the ultimate example of nonsense, selfishness, and delusion,

So that together we may grow without water and the Earth. Amen.