Declaration of Violence

When in the continual course of human violence, it becomes necessary for one Orange Head to dissolve the pillars of democracy, which foolishly attempt to check and balance his administration, the law of the Octagon takes absolute precedence. The laws of nature and, perhaps, god itself, have provided him the ultimate power to celebrate the 250th anniversary of this American experiment with a pay-per-view Declaration of Violence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all Americans are created under gunshots, and that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, chief among them the Second Amendment, as their eternal pursuit of bloody happiness. To secure this holy right, this cage-match government will provide what Caesars did to ancient Rome: bread and circuses in the South Lawn arena in commemoration of the beloved savagery that lives within the world’s most dangerous superpower. It is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it and to institute a new executive order if anyone attempts to disrupt the national bloodlust with peace and serenity laws.

Humans are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable; thus, they willingly surrender to the forces of inherited violence to reinforce what the national anthem solemnly cherishes:

And the rockets' red glare

The bombs bursting in air  

Gave proof through the night

That our flag was still there…

O'er the land of the bruised and the home of the dull.

The history of the present king without a crown is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations of power, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over the rest of the world and specifically over anyone who is not naturally orange-skinned. It is this unshared value that protects, consecrates, and funds this great Declaration of Violence.

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