The Perfect Job Without Degree, but There’s a Catch
So, a local billionaire is planning their maiden DMT voyage, and they’ve headhunted you to be their designated spiritual lifeguard, their personal trip sitter. How exactly do you negotiate a “fair” hourly rate for watching a rich mogul converse with clockwork elves? If you haven't figured it out yet, let me walk you through your next lucrative, easy-money gig.
The client roster is beautifully diverse: venture capitalists, crypto bros, influencers, supermodels, and elite athletes. The ultimate equalizer binding them all? A deep-seated appetite for heavy, illicit substances. Conveniently, their bottomless wallets ensure that legality is merely a premium subscription fee they can easily afford.
If your psychedelic knowledge spans from academic rigor to having practically shaken hands with God, babysitting an oligarch's trip is the next echelon. Except this time, it's a strictly sober operation on your end. That said, when your hourly invoice eclipses an average citizen’s monthly wage, you’ll gladly welcome the opportunity to watch a member of the 1% touch the sun in near-overdose fashion.
The core mandate is beautifully simple: do not let them die, commit self-harm, or accidentally murder the staff. A quick pro-tip: consult a lawyer friend prior the session to navigate the legal gray areas, ensuring you're viewed as an independent contractor rather than an accomplice to an existential felony.
Remember, tripsitting a millionaire isn't legitimate psychedelic therapy, and you don’t need a degree for it. You’re simply an enabler-in-residence, allowing a drug addict with an astronomical bank balance to comfortably fulfill their chemical vices. Naturally, they’ll rebrand their indulgence as a quest for “cosmic enlightenment” or “quantum consciousness”. Don’t buy into the hype; play the nodding, wide-eyed mystic, and secure that payout. Feed them whatever pseudo-philosophical word salad they want to hear about “divine consciousness” and the “higher self” to maximize their experience and validate their expensive ego death.
Ultimately, all that matters is earning their trust so your high-net-worth portfolio can seamlessly expand to the next celebrity compound.
For more satirical news, visit Samsara News!